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Fucking cereal for breakfast again

I can't remember if there's ever been a Finbarr Saunders episode involving breakfast cereal. Anyway, I haven't read all of them. But if there hasn't, there ought to be. It seems that the manufacturers expect breakfast to be a rather more exciting event than it is usually considered to be.

Sainsbury's version of Weetabix suggests a quick in and out:

To open slide finger under flap. After use close flaps to retain freshness

whereas with their pecan and maple crisp we seem to have a more protracted event involving practising "safe sex":

To open slide finger under flap. After use roll down the bag and close pack flaps to retain freshness

It's this "close flaps to retain freshness" bit that gets me. Presumably "let it dribble down her leg" is not thought appropriate for something young children might read, and "mop it up with the tablecloth" would do nothing to improve their table manners. "Douche with the teapot" is an obvious no-no for thermal reasons unless you take long enough that the tea has gone cold. So I guess they arrive sort of by default at the idea of just sealing it all in and carrying on with breakfast... doesn't sound very reliable though; would have been better if it recommended a plastic breakfast chair or sitting on the dishcloth as followup precautions.

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