From Aardvark to Zog

Where is the planet Zog, anyway?

Imagine spending years and years in a spaceship looking for it with no luck, getting back home and finding it's "Earth" in aardvark language

After all if you spent decades at relativistic speeds the people back home would have loads of time to figure out aardvark language.

They might even figure out why the only word that made its way into human language before you left was "Zog".

Heck, you might even find that aardvarks had taken over completely and used "human" as a cliched example of an animal with a silly name.

And they'd sent an aardvark off in a spaceship of their own to try and find where this planet called "Earth" was.

So you'd tell them it was this one. And they'd be really pissed off because if you'd got back a week earlier the explorer needn't have gone.

And they would vark you really really aard. Aha. Ha. Haha. Ahahaha. Aha.

It is vaguely amusing that Benjamin Franklin advertised pencils in the Pennsylvania Gazette.

(I spent a good 15 minutes googling American pencil manufacture to find a basis to make a shit pencil/Pennsylvania joke.)

When I was little I thought "Staedtler" was pronounced "stayed-tyler". I used to ask people what "stayed-tyler" meant but no-one ever knew.

Nobody ever having a clue about a word so common it was written on the side of millions of pencils was, I thought, a bit shit.

Except I didn't know the word "shit" at the time.

We called them "jobbies" in our house. Which caused me to derive amusement from the word "job". "You've done a good job." - "Hee, hee, hee."

I didn't think ignorance of the word "stayed-tyler" was "like a jobby" or anything though. I just found it rather disappointing.

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