Crossing the Channel

Didn't we have a horrible time the day we went to Bognor, was a horrible day, we were sick on the way, and the small kids drowned.

(In the sea, I mean, we weren't sick *that* much.)

Having just read of someone going to Calais and buying a light-up "Virgin Mary in a mermaid's grotto" ornament I now want one myself.

Then I would always, always win at Horrible Tacky Ornament Top Trumps even if the other players had ordered their contributions from Viz.

Someone once had a tacky light-up thing that said "Happy Christmas" in flowing ornate script illuminated with lots of little bulbs.

So I rewired it and put extra bits in so the lights would chase each other along the script. This enabled them to win similarly often.

But they never had to play against a light-up Virgin Mary in a mermaid's grotto. That would win anything.

GAAAHHH FUCK OFF WITH IMOGEN BLOODY THOMAS FOR FUCKS SAKE. So she shagged a footballer, whoop-de-bloody-do, it's not exactly an achievement.

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