Flies (dogs)

When you think about it, soup is really weird.

Of course, flies eat nothing but soup. They make their own on the spot by throwing up digestive juices onto their food before slurping it up

This means that everything flies eat tastes of puke, which is probably why they don't mind eating shit, on a "can't get any worse" basis.

Dogs, too, eat their own puke. Dogs also eat shit. This proves that dogs are just big hairy flies that the wings have fallen off.

And some kinds of flies bite. This is because they are little dogs that have wings.

Flies buzz, dogs growl. This also proves they are the same thing. It is the same noise just slowed down when it comes from a bigger creature

If you look at a fly through a microscope you will see that it is covered in hair, just the same as a dog, because it is a dog.

Flies often stand on their front four legs and rub their backmost legs together. A dog's tail is its two backmost legs stuck like this.

When a fly starts getting big its wings can't keep up and end up stuck to its head and too small for wings. This is what dogs' ears are.

Dogs chase cows & sheep which is why farmers can shoot them. Flies (too small to shoot) catch the cows & sheep so they always have flies on.

Dogs like going for walks with you. So do flies. You can't put them on a lead but they will still buzz round you all the way.

Well, actually, you could put them on a lead if you had a very small lead. Spiders try to do it. (But they fail and eat the fly instead.)

Sufficiently big fuck-off ugly spiders will also have a crack at eating dogs. Especially small ones.

Big countries have running dogs of capitalism. Small countries have buzzing flies of capitalism. It's horses for courses.

(Note that a horse is not the same as a fly. Or a dog. Flies and dogs are the same thing but horses are different.)

Horses kick dogs. Sufficiently dexterous horses also kick flies. Hence the saying that a bad-tempered horse "could kick a fly's eye out".

Sometimes, though, you can make a horse run away by biting it with a dog. You can also make it run away by biting it with a fly.

They even make special flies to do it with. They call them "horse flies". This is misleading because flies are not horses. They are dogs.

You can tell it's silly because biting a horse with a horse to make it run away does not make sense, but biting it with a dog or a fly does.

It's like "sheep dogs". They are not horses either. Or sheep. They are flies, because flies are allowed to chase sheep without getting shot.