Kings

Henry V8 was a Beece. Apparently.

When Mary Queen of Scots was small she liked to dine on donkeys' balls - particularly liked them fried and made into a bollock pie.

Gavrilo shot Franz Ferdinand and turned him into dead, and Austria and other lands all promptly lost their head.

If you didn't have any bones you could escape from prison by going on hunger strike, then wriggling under the door when you got thin enough.

If your skeleton could move independently of your body you could escape from prison by sending it to scare a screw to death & nick his keys.

Come to think of it, it'd be even easier than that. It could unlock the doors itself. I'd forgotten about skeleton keys.

If you could line all your bones up end to end you could escape from prison by turning yourself into a pole and vaulting over the wall.

King Richard the 2nd never quite reckoned the limits on what he could do. He spent his last hours shut up in the Tower eating his own no. 2.

King Henry VIII eventually ate too much to get out of his bed. His leg had a canker and he was a wanker who liked to chop off people's heads

King Edward I had insatiable thirst to conquer the Welsh and the Scots. He said the Welsh keep too many sheep & Scotland is full up of sots.

King Richard III was a horrible turd who shut princes up in the tower. He went up to Bosworth in a Sierra Cosworth & died in under an hour.