The Venerian Duck

Venus is made of rubber.

Venus is also home to the only known extraterrestrial lifeform: the Venerian duck.

The Venerian duck is black and about 15mm long. It lives in little burrows that it makes in the rubber.

It sits in the burrow with its beak stuck into the end wall, and blocks the entrance with its shit so you can't tell there's anything there.

If you try and dig it up, it undergoes instantaneous total mass-energy conversion and blows the fuck out of everything within 50 miles.

(Nobody knows why it does this since the Venerian duck has no predators; indeed, there is no other lifeform of any kind on the planet.)

This was discovered by a Chinese space probe crewed by thousands of very small sex robots, which were programmed to be unable to wank.

By the time they got to Venus they were so desperate they would have fucked a milling cutter.

When they discovered the Venerian ducks they thought it was bleeding Christmas. Oops.

The resulting thermal flash was picked up by the telescope back at mission control and flash-fried the head of the bloke looking into it.

When the janitor arrived there were bits of still-warm flash-fried exploded brain all over the place. He tried some, and found it delicious.

And that's why some Chinese restaurants have a dish on the menu which is made from human brains and is named "Fuck the duck until exploded".


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