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Life is strange sometimes...
Monday 30/10/2006


I'm going to see a band tonight. They're an excellent band and I've been looking forward to it for months. I'm going to go, and I'm going to have a good time, and meet the band after the gig I expect, they're that sort of band. But I do have a strong feeling that I should not go, that I would be a bit less fucking useless if I stayed at home instead and did other stuff (and didn't use the computer either, despite having huge amounts of work stuff to do on it).

Then there's yesterday, same sort of thing. I've posted below about how Jesus saved me from being stranded in London with a motorbike that didn't work, which was ace, and made me really happy. I had a good time with my mates. The ride home was good as well, having fixed the bike earlier it was running properly rather than worryingly, taking a wrong turning somewhere and nearly ending up in Uxbridge before the road signs started to make sense again didn't do my head in like it normally does in London (just makes me wonder if there was a fire or a bomb or a psycho in a stolen car playing motorcycle skittles or something that would have caused problems if I'd taken the normal route), and every subconscious prayer that the idiot in front of me who felt it appropriate to drive a huge agricultural vehicle through a city and block my view of the road would turn off or pull over was answered within a few seconds. Loads of times (loads of idiots). Thankyou Lord. I was pretty happy all the way there, during and back... but nevertheless this feeling developed during the ride back that some unknown person had done something incredibly shitty, and I was fucking steaming nuclear pissed off about it. Really happy and really pissed off at the same time, an odd combination.

Who and what? I don't fucking know, I have no idea. I don't think I need to know and I can't really say I want to, it'd only piss me off more, whatever it is. My life is good right now. There's no shit going down for me and none of the mates I went to see are fucked up at the moment, they're all having a good time too. Kind of weird...

Well, actually it isn't very much. It's just that it's the sort of thing that doesn't seem to happen to most people for some reason so people think it's weird. I have had similar feelings before (several years ago, in circumstances which I do not wish to recall, some people wear a velvet glove - it is a gauntlet all the while, urgh, fucked up, remember the lessons but not the experiences is the ideal) and every time this sort of feeling has happened it has turned out eventually to be due to something that did happen somewhere that would indeed have really pissed me off if I'd been there and seen it. And often I have indeed been able to do something in some way to make things better without knowing what the problem was or anything about it, and have done so before I eventually found out what it was that had actually happened. Which is useful, I guess. I can't say I entirely understand this. But Jesus is the Son of God. He does understand it and I think He sets me up for it so I can do some good somewhere that wouldn't get done otherwise.

So it's a good thing, even though it looks like a bad thing. Something is wrong somewhere, and somehow I'm the one to do something about it and somehow I can even though I don't know what it is or what to do, and somehow I'll do it now I know it needs doing even though I may not know what to do and may not even know myself afterwards what I have done. Well, Jesus knows lots of stuff about people that they don't know themselves, absolutely no question about that. He seems to have given me something to do that is well suited to my desire to do stuff in a low-key manner, and He certainly gives me the strength to cope with the peculiar feelings so I can overall feel happy about stuff. It's great that He's given me this sort of thing to do. I'm no evangelist, I can't do that sort of stuff and I don't try. Doing some obscure thing that hardly anyone is ever going to know about is much more my way.

Interestingly, when other people look at me they don't see my pissed-off bit, they only see my joy. Which is pretty cool... (no, I'm not one of the stereotype Christians with slightly glassy eyes and a disconcerting smile who wear ties all the time (if male) or high necklines (if female) and never do anything fun. (Though you can probably work that out from this blog post having the word "fuck" in it several times.) And I'm not a boring religious nut who keeps going on and on about Jesus to people who aren't interested, daft that is, this is a web page, you can skip bits if you want to. I'm more of a Rastafarian kind of believer... it's a faith thing, it makes no difference not being black and not having dreadlocks (not an option with my hair). Everyone sees the truth differently because God's message to everyone is personal, different for everyone, that's partly why the Bible is written the way it is, so it can make different kinds of sense to different people, and people who bitch at each other because they don't see the truth in the same way are missing the point (and also missing the bit in the Bible where it says not to do that). And the way I see the truth has most in common with how Rastafarians tend to see it. So there you go. :-) One love. Rastafari.).

And one thing I am sure of is that Jesus knows what He's doing.

"Even in the twentieth century, with faith, courage, and a just cause, David will still beat Goliath." And in the twenty-first, too.

Thankyou Lord that this does not freak me out. The several years ago stuff did. Not because of the bad circumstances, but because I didn't know Jesus then, I didn't have the understanding. Now I do. The important things in life don't work without knowing Jesus. Thankyou Lord for giving me the strength to deal with it. And thankyou Lord for all the rest of it.

I'm off to the gig in a few minutes. I think I can still do this evening's part of the work while at the gig. And the band are believers (though they only mention Jesus in three out of hundreds of songs). I will have a good one.

You have a good one too.




The tale I tell is only half way there...
After the gig:

The venue was shit. Sound not loud enough, too hot, audience apparently half asleep. And SEATED! Aaargh!

But the band were good. A bit of first night nerves for the lead guitarist in relating to the audience but his playing was spot on. The keyboard player stole the show. He rocks. Met him afterwards (have met him before), he hung around with everyone until nearly everyone had gone home.

Pretty good set, two cracking openers, some of my favourites, a couple of surprises, the usual uplifting final encore (trouble is once they've played that song you know you've got no chance of getting them back to do another). Only problem: too short. Well, all good gigs are too short. And maybe it'll get longer later in the tour. They didn't play a particular song I was hoping they'd play, but they didn't play any songs off that album, and it's one of their absolute best, so it was a bit odd, and maybe they'll put a couple into the set. I'm going to the last night as well and that ought to really rock, and we'll see.

The bike was running well so I took a slightly different route home. Message from Jesus on the way: bend coming up has leaves on it. Got there. Adopted speed appropriate to the expected conditions. The conditions were as expected. Negotiated bend safely. Thankyou Lord.

Other stuff: ............................ . . . .




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