Arse Cunts

When I am going along the road on my bicycle, or on my mobility scooter (it was a bicycle once, it's a mobility scooter now, but it's exactly the same width, about the same speed, and certainly the exact same problem), and you approach from behind in a car or other full-size powered vehicle...


I am sick and fucking tired of cunts who come up behind and sit on my arse and stay there for ages and will not bloody go past because they're too bleeding thick to subtract the sum of the width of the two vehicles from the width of the road and come up with an answer greater than zero. You've got fucking buckets of room, so fucking well use it.

No, you do NOT have to "give me as much room as you would a car". Because I'm not a fucking car. I'm a lot slower than a car and I'm a whole lot fucking narrower. Width over the handlebars is about 0.6m so if the road is a metre wider than your car there's plenty of bloody space, and not many roads are as narrow as that. If you can't laterally position your car to less than 0.4m then you're not fucking competent to drive one at all; and if the reason is that you're about 1.5m tall and struggling to even see past the steering wheel of some ridiculous great tank the size of a wide-canal barge which has four-wheel drive for no reason despite never venturing outside the city, let alone control the bloody thing, then you're too stupid to drive, so don't.

I know I'm a slow vehicle and therefore get in the way. So I'm doing you the fucking favour of keeping close in to the left hand side to try and get in the way as little as possible. I'm doing my best to not hold you up. So what the fuck are you playing at acting as if I still was. There's way more than enough bloody room. You're just holding yourself up, by being a twat. And you're also holding up all the other cars coming up behind you, which makes you even more of a twat. You're pissing yourself off by choosing to be a div, you're pissing off everyone behind you, and you are really fucking pissing me off. So don't go getting some stupid bloody idea that you're somehow doing me some sort of favour, because you fucking aren't, you're just making me bloody furious. All I do want you to do is fuck off. Which is actually all you want to do also, so fucking well do it.

I want you to fuck off because I don't know what you're fucking doing. I'm not just blundering along hand on cock and mind in China unable to allow for what other vehicles are doing until they actually start doing it. I'm trying to predict what path they're going to take over the next few seconds so I know without trying if some path is not going to be available to me. The less well I can see them and the closer they are to me, the more important this is. Some fucking cunt sat right on my arse where I can't see them at all (and I know bloody well you're there, see you or not) is in a position where it's most especially important to know what they're about to do, but they're also making it most especially difficult to know, because what they are doing does not fucking make sense.

I'm trundling along down the left hand edge of the road, but occasionally I may want to pull out a bit. For instance I may want to avoid going through some broken glass, or I may want to not go crash-bang-thump over a sunken drain or a pothole. As far as anyone behind me is concerned, these excursions are random; I don't expect them to even notice the thing I'm reacting to, and I don't expect they'll anticipate my reaction even if they do notice. So if they're too close, I can't dodge the thing and just have to plough on through anyway, so as not to be hit from behind. On the other hand, if they're a reasonable distance away I can dodge and pull back in again before they get to me. And most of the time the traffic density is low enough that I can easily fit all the dodging into the gaps between cars, so that's not too bad.

But if some fucking cunt comes up and sits on my arse for no bloody reason, I can't dodge things like that at all. There is fuck all preventing them from getting past, so I have no idea how long it's going to be before this very obvious fact finds a crack through which it can infiltrate their armoured cranium. All I can be sure of is that at some point they are going to come whizzing past, but I have no way to tell when, so I can't dodge crap at all in case they happen to pick that moment to do it.

So don't fucking do it. Just get the fuck past me and fuck off out of my phase space.

It's even worse if I want to turn right. To be sure the scooter has indicators, but it is stupid to imagine that indicators do anything more than simply indicate. They don't order or compel other road users to let me make a manouevre, and they certainly don't physically ensure a clear path. And if, as is so often the case, the arse cunt is driving one of those stupid fucking great urban truck barge things, and is as close up my arse as they usually are, they can't even see my fucking indicators because the front of their stupid bloody tank is in the way.

Turning right means pulling out from the left hand side of the road and crossing the path of the traffic, and often also sitting in the middle of the road waiting for a gap in the traffic on my side. It's a vulnerable position and you're right in everybody's fucking way while you are doing it.

So again I try and do it in a minimally obstructive manner. I adjust my speed approaching the turning so that as I arrive at the appropriate point, there is enough of a gap in the traffic behind me that I can pull out into the middle of the road without anyone trying to come past while I'm doing it, and with enough space that the traffic behind has plenty of time to see what I'm doing. If I'm lucky, there might even be a gap in the traffic coming the other way as well before anything on my side catches up with me.

Obviously, having some stupid bastard hanging out of my arse fucks this right up. I can't time my arrival to coincide with a gap because the arse cunt is making sure there never is one. I can't pull out at all unless a bus or a lorry or something happens to come the other way and provide a space of time when I can actually be certain the arse cunt isn't going to suddenly come past because they'd smack into the lorry.

And the arse cunt is making it impossible for me to have any idea what other vehicles are behind them; even if I do turn round to look they are blocking the entire view. And similarly the arse cunt is making it impossible for anything behind them to see me. As far as anyone behind them can see, they're just some stupid bastard who has randomly stopped in the middle of the road for no fucking reason, not even indicating or anything. It's entirely possible that someone in the queue might think "they might be happy to stop in the middle of the road to scratch their arse, but I'm not fucking waiting" and come whizzing past using the same gap in the oncoming traffic that I've just started to use to turn right through.

So if you are trundling stupidly along sitting up my arse, you are basically preventing me from ever being able to turn right at all, until you fuck off. You cunt.

And when they do finally fuck off there is always by now a considerable tail of other vehicles that has built up behind them while they were pithering about being a cunt. So now I have to wait for all of them to come past as well. And very often some of them turn out to be arse cunts too, so the whole bloody thing carries on again.

How the fuck do you even make arse cunts fuck off anyway? A more immediately boneheaded category of cunts I have rarely come across. They are just totally fucking oblivious to anything. I'm already as close in to the left as I can be. I try slowing down and they're still there. I slow down even more and they're still fucking there. I go slower and slower and creep up to the bumper of a parked car and come to a complete halt, and they still won't bloody fuck off. Even when I start turning round and shouting "what the fuck are you bloody doing, why don't you just fuck off" they won't fucking well move. When they won't even listen when you yell at them what the fuck can you fucking do? Just get the fuck off my fucking arse and let me fucking turn right you fucking cunt.

You are not doing me any kind of fucking favour. You are not "behaving with consideration for other road users", unless you consider it desirable to piss them off as much as possible. ALL you are doing is being a pain in the fucking arse, and if you actually want to "behave with consideration" then put your fucking foot down and FUCK OFF.

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