The FHM 100 Sexiest Women list a load of complete fucking bullshit.

Every year we get this crap. Months of propaganda inviting people to vote on the stupid thing, then all the votes are ignored and FHM make up the list to suit themselves. It's got fuck all to do with who got how many votes. The entries and positions on the list are all about publicity value for FHM and nothing whatsoever to do with anything else.

Why, for example, did Tulisa "win" it in 2012? One reason and one reason only: a couple of weeks before the list came out there was all that stupid blah about a video of her sucking someone's cock. This meant her name was attracting loads of attention and so FHM decided she was going to be top of the list in order to parasitise on the attention and use it to make people think of FHM. That's all. Fuck all to do with how many votes she got, everything to do with FHM going "look at me, look at me".

As if it wasn't obvious enough already, they practically advertise the fact that they don't care about the votes by their lack of concern over people's inability to submit them. Whoever runs their website is an incompetent jerk and because of this some of the various methods for entering a vote did not fucking work. Despite people contacting them to complain about this they did precisely fuck all about it and those methods continued to not fucking work for the entire time the vote was open. Nor was it any better the next year - the same things still did not fucking work and FHM still did jack shit about fixing it and ignored all the complaints. The year after that was exactly the fucking same again. I don't know about subsequent years because I haven't been arsed to find out but given their blatant and total lack of give-a-fuck I have every reason to expect that it's still in the same dysfunctional state.

What pisses me off is that every year it results in loads of glamour models asking their fans to vote for them, when they don't stand a whelk's chance in a supernova of featuring either in the list or in the magazine. It is notable that the more experienced models who have been in the industry for several years know it's a load of bullshit and are not enthusiastic about asking for votes - indeed some of them have even said straight out not to bother voting for them because it won't make any difference. But the newer and more hopeful/optimistic ones still chase the phantom and provide FHM with lots of free publicity by their repeated requests for votes, while FHM give them the square root of fuck all in return. They won't be on the list no matter what and nor will they be featured in the magazine. FHM are just exploiting the hopes of people who are by and large too young to have realised that being a lying cheating cunt who would rip their own gran for 2 pins, a deceiving manipulative weasel who takes everything they can and promises the world in return but in reality won't even give back half a fly turd, is a universal characteristic of everyone in business.

And it's one that is particularly strongly expressed in the glamour industry. The difference between the "respectable" and the "disreputable" elements is simply that the "respectable" ones stop short of actual physical abuse - or at least are sufficiently subtle and devious about it that it does not become generally known. Where the abuse is mental, financial, commercial, or otherwise non-physical, the so-called "respectable" elements are actually worse - in a nasty example of positive feedback, they have achieved their status by being better at cheating and deceiving than the rest, and that status then makes it easier for them to deceive and cheat by making potential victims more likely to place undeserved trust in them.

FHM is a shit magazine in any case, run by moronic fuckwits who don't have a clue - as is very well demonstrated by the fact that they have deliberately refused to feature Lucy Pinder for the past seven years or more. Only a bunch of utterly clueless jerks would make a policy decision to cease to feature the most popular glamour model by miles in the whole fucking country; to then stick to that idiotic policy for so many years despite Lucy's popularity getting ever greater is so unbelievably fucking stupid as to make Terry Fuckwitt look like Einstein. Lucy herself has said she doesn't know what their problem is - but then Lucy is not the kind of person to call them a bunch of gibbering brain-damaged troglodytic jellyheads in public. Me, I'm more than happy to do that since I believe very strongly that if someone does something shit then the best thing to do is make as much noise about it as possible to help the stupid fuckers learn not to do it again.

FHM may well be worried about the future of their business. They have every reason to be. But the way to alleviate the problem is not to go publicising a stupid made-up list by conning people who don't have a chance of appearing on it into thinking otherwise. The way to sort out their difficulties is simply to stop being shit. Fire the moronic disconnected jerks who constitute its current pretence at a management team and employ people who actually have more than half a fucking clue instead. It's not hard, after all - there is ample evidence of their stupidity to show that they are unfit for the position and deserve to be fired, and by the same token there's no shortage of people of greater intelligence to take their place.

Don't bother asking for votes on this piece of shit; don't bother submitting votes to it. Just boycott the fucking thing, refuse to give it any oxygen and let the cunt suffocate. If it was actually compiled on the basis of votes cast then it might have a bit of value, but as it is it's just a pointless fabrication which isn't worth a crusted spunk dribble. Turn your back on it and leave it to go and fuck itself.

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