Being cheaper
Running any software you want
Stopping the screen getting fucked
Being easy to type on
THINGS IPADS ARE GOOD FOR:
Filling your head with shit.
(That's about it really)
...And yes, the title is correctly capitalised. It doesn't make any difference if some stupid fuck at Apple thinks differently. Mangling the rules of English orthography does not make a word look "cool" or "hip" or "trendy" or whatever stupid crappy effect it is supposed to achieve, it just makes it look like the shit creation of a fucking idiot... which indeed is exactly what it is. How the screaming fuck can anyone be such a complete fuckwit as to think it will make more people buy the thing if it has a misplaced capital letter in the middle of the word? And why the screaming fuck are other people such complete fuckwits as to pay the first set of fuckwits actual money to have such fucking stupid ideas? Thirdly, how the screaming fuck can Daily Mail readers fail to see that it is people like that who really do qualify as parasites and are far more deserving targets of their ire than people on benefits?
So there's the first annoyance, before we've even got started. An annoyance which becomes orders of magnitude worse when people who have bought the stupid things follow the dictates of these utter parasitic fuckwits with such mindless slavishness that they stick that stupid shit of a capital P in even when they can't be fucking bothered to capitalise any of their other words which should be capitalised. What in the name of a fetid string of mucoid diarrhoea depending from a dog's anus is wrong with people that they think that what some cunting shithead in a marketing suit says is worth following but the things their primary school teacher taught them when they were learning to write are not?
STUPID FUCKING CUNTS
Take one laptop. It is designed to be portable - it is intended to be carried around from place to place, presumably along with various other things. It has a large and easily-damaged area - the screen - which is highly susceptible to damage during transport, but it neatly avoids this risk by having the screen fold down over the keyboard so it is tucked up inside the folded device out of harm's way. The keyboard is, of course, a component of vital necessity for the purpose of typing stuff in. You can run whatever the fuck software you want on it, do anything you like however you want to do it, subject only to the limitations of the hardware. Limitations which you won't run across very often, if at all, since very well specified hardware is remarkably cheap. And the software you run doesn't need to cost anything at all, since with Linux you can get a whole OS plus a ginormous range of applications for absolutely nothing. If you need a portable computing device, you could hardly ask for a better type of thing than this.
Right. Now take this well-designed, cheap, versatile and useful device, and systematically fuck it up. First, get rid of the keyboard. Then think "oh hang on, shit, we can't type anything in now", and instead of resolving that flaming bloody obvious problem in the most flaming bloody obviously sensible way - ie. recognising that getting rid of the keyboard is a completely fucking stupid idea in the first place and just not doing it - provide a "solution" which is so half-arsed and useless as to be utterly shite, ie. obscure half the screen you're trying to type into with a picture of a keyboard which you operate by smearing your greasy fingers on it. Never mind that such a thing is horribly shit and awkward to type on by its very nature. Never mind that it hugely fucks your ability to see what you're working on. After all, we're trying to make this thing as much of a fucked up piece of shit as possible, right?
(Aside: It is interesting to note that when the original IBM PC came out the keyboard was an optional extra. In the computing world it seems that there must always be one organisation which stands head and shoulders above all the rest when it comes to being a giant monolithic dictatorial corporate fascist massive fucking cunt. Back in those days, it was IBM. Ironically it was the very success of the PC that showed them the error of their ways, and the mantle passed to Microsoft. Then Microsoft in turn found that they were no longer able to carry on being like that, and these days the notorious giant cunt is Apple. Who of course always have been like that... at the same time that IBM were selling keyboards as optional extras, Apple were selling computers with an OS that not only thought it could do without even a fucking command line, but was such a badly-written unstable flaky heap of shit that it was a total bleeding nightmare trying to code for it. The widespread perception of it as a stable system was nothing more than an illusion produced by Apple's corporate fascism massively restricting the availability of software for it. The reality was that it was somewhat less stable than a model of Stonehenge made of Rizla packets without gluing them together, and had there been anything even remotely approaching the variety of software available for it that there was for MS-DOS, this would have been so glaringly obvious that no fucker in the world would have bought a Mac. I know this first hand because I was coding on both PCs and Macs at the time. MS-DOS was actually a pretty good system, with an undeservedly bad reputation mainly arising because most of the people who used it were too fucking bone idle to bother to fucking think about what they were doing; the genuinely shit aspect of the PC was the hardware architecture dictated by that horrid Intel processor, which still cripples us today. The original Apple Mac was rather nice architecturally since the 68000 beat the crap out of the 8086, but its OS was a wobbly flaky heap of total shite that would fall over as soon as look at you and then take at least ten times as long to reboot and recover as MS-DOS would.)
OK, so now we have a piece of shit which has no keyboard so it is fucking useless for typing on. Well, this piece of shitness is actually a double whammy. In losing the keyboard we've also lost the ability to fold the thing in half to protect the screen while carrying it about. Instead it has to deal with being stuffed in your bag with all your other stuff and carted around with nothing more to protect the screen than wishful thinking. Yeah, like that's going to fucking work.
I mean, for fuck's sake, really. If you had a 6"x9" framed picture what would you expect to happen if you stuffed it in your bag with all your other shit and carried it around everywhere? Exactly. You'd be fucking lucky to last the first week without the glass getting smashed, and you know it. Sure, you could frame it behind perspex instead of glass and then it wouldn't get smashed, but it would still hardly be any better because it would just get scratched to fuck in about the same amount of time. And you know that too. Which is why picture frames that are designed to be carried around are made so that they are in two halves which can be folded together to protect the glass in transit...
So at a stroke we have turned a useful and reasonably durable device into a fucking useless piss awkward fragile piece of shit. But remember we are pretending to be Apple here. Just fucking up the hardware isn't enough. We have to dictate to people what they can and can't do, we can't allow them any freedom of choice because then they would be free to choose to do things in a way that does not involve Apple getting any more money from it. Simply making money from selling the hardware isn't enough, we have to make sure our greedy grubbing hands are continually dipping into people's pockets whenever they use the fucking thing.
So we equip it with a fascist restrictive operating system that won't let you install any software unless you download it from Apple. We impose our control freak nature on every user of the device by making sure we have the power to tell them what they can and can't do. And we manipulate the US government into making it illegal for anyone to do anything to get rid of this cuntery.
Fuck Apple
Er, Apple, how about you GO AND FUCK YOURSELVES? If I buy something it is fucking well MINE. It's got fuck all to do with anyone else what I choose to do with my own fucking possessions. And I will accordingly do exactly whatever the fuck I want with it. I don't give a steaming shit what some bunch of evil shitheaded corporate fascist control freaks think of what I want to do. They can fuck right off. I don't give a steaming shit either if said bunch of fucking nazis made the device in the first place. Their right to control what happens to the fucking thing ends when they fucking sell it. Once it has been sold it is NOT THEIRS ANY MORE, it's MINE, and it beggars belief that they can be so incredibly fucking arrogant as to even consider for a moment the idea that they might have some sort of right to control something which does not fucking belong to them. I fucking paid for it so I am the only one who has any fucking say at all in what does or does not happen to it.
I mean just what the stinking fuck? Mr Sainsbury may not like honey and Marmite sandwiches - I don't know, maybe he does, but let's assume for the sake of argument that he doesn't - but he does not think he has some sort of right to stop me eating them once I have paid for the honey and Marmite. Nor does he think he has some sort of right to force me to buy the bread and butter from Sainsbury's as well. So what the cunting fuckarse wankstained shitwipe do the spunk-drinking cocksuckers at Apple think they're fucking playing at trying to do exactly the same fucking thing to people who buy a fucking ipad?
It's not even as if you can argue that it doesn't need extra software which Apple doesn't like. The stupid bastard thing doesn't even support multitasking. Talk about lacking basic functionality... It can, but they have deliberately made it not to for no other reason than to be fucking wankers and impose completely stupid and pointless restrictions on the user, so you can't do basic normal things - things that any laptop OS does as standard - unless you jailbreak the cunt. If you want to, for example, read something and play music at the same time, you bleeding can't. Fucksake, it doesn't even have a bleeding file browser. You can't even see what fucking files you've got on it. Have they deliberately tried to make the thing as shit as possible? And then they have the blind arrogance to make it illegal to make it un-shit.
OK, so that law only applies in the US and I don't suppose for a moment that anyone there takes the blindest bit of notice of it, since it's unenforceable as well as cuntish. But that's not the fucking point - the point is the bastarding shitheads should never have even had such a complete tapeworm-infested dogshit of an idea in the first place.
Of course, I do have a very simple way of avoiding this shit. Which is simply to not buy a fucking ipad. Or any of the other fucking piece of shit devices which have the same shit dysfunctional basic hardware design and nearly the same amount of fascist control freakery in the software side. I have a proper laptop instead, which folds in half and has a keyboard and runs Linux with a root shell available and everything.
Unfortunately that does not enable me to avoid the problem entirely, because the fucking content providers, instead of doing the sensible thing and saying "bollocks to this piss awkward shit, we'll stick to the standard PC platform, once people realise that there is no content for these fucking wankarsed shitheaps the pointless fad will die out and we can carry on as before", have developed a psychotic fetish for sucking Steve Jobs's rotting zombified cock and are brainwashed by the evil power of his decomposing yellow spunk. The result is that there is content which is only available for a cunt machine and is not available for a proper one. And I can't even use a cuntpad emulator to access such content because the same corporate fascism means that there is no such thing.
The other reason I still have for raising an objection to it is one of straightforward principle. The ipad fad depends completely on manipulating people into behaving in a stupid manner while failing to realise that they are being stupid, purely so that some bunch of greedy cunts who already have vastly more money than most people can ever dream of can grub even more money. An ipad does not have one single advantage over a laptop. A laptop is cheaper, more versatile, more powerful, easier to use and much less prone to damage while being carried. There is no fucking reason whatsoever to buy a fucking ipad apart from sheer moronic stupidity. But the manipulative evil greedy scum at Apple somehow manage to brainwash people into thinking sheer moronic stupidity is cool and trendy and really great and not stupid at all. They fuck with people's heads to the point where they somehow no longer realise that those bleeding obvious advantages of a laptop over an ipad even exist. People who buy ipads don't seem to even fucking notice that they have handed over way more money than they would for a laptop and have received a machine which does a fuck of a lot less. Indeed, it gets worse than this. Apple manage to fuck up people's sense of values so much that they actually think it is better that the ipad can't do very much.
Yes, I know that sounds bleeding ridiculous, but it's true. If I am in a position to converse with someone who has one of these fucking stupid things it is inevitable that sooner or later I will ask them just what the fuck was going through their head to waste their money on that piece of shit - and this fucked-up back-to-front irrational crap is what they answer with. They actually think it's a good thing to be heavily restricted in what you can do - and they say so, with a straight face, in complete seriousness, in total ignorance of its manifest stupidity. They admit that it is difficult to type on the fucking thing - and then say that that doesn't matter. What? The grossly excessive cost of the device doesn't seem to register with them at all - hundreds of pounds are apparently of less importance than hundreds of Rizlas. And nor do they seem to see that it is shit to then have to spend even more money on a case to protect the bloody thing while it's being carried around.
For fuck's sake. Imagine if I took away their TV and replaced it with one that would only receive programmes that I myself liked, took away their remote control and told them to jab their fingers on the screen instead, and pinched a couple of hundred pounds out of their wallet under the justification that they won't mind me taking it since I've given them such an ace new TV. What would happen? They would go fucking mental. They would go apeshit. They would kick my fucking head in. Of course. What the fuck else would they do?
Yet they are not only undisturbed, they are actually happy to let the corpse of Steve Jobs and the bunch of cuntfaced minions that he fostered do exactly the same fucking thing with their different electronic gadget.
This is FUCKED UP.
This is REALLY FUCKED UP.
One of the shittiest and most evil things in modern society is its endemic fondness for psychologically manipulating people into fucking themselves up and doing stupid fucking things while remaining in complete ignorance of their fucked-up-ness, and the way both individual people and society as a whole steadfastly deny that this happens while at the same time not only condoning it but enthusiastically engaging in the practice themselves. I fucking detest this. Psychological manipulation is filthy and evil and needs to be stamped out. I am fed up to the fucking arse with living in a world which runs on the basis of manipulating people into thinking they are better off behaving to their own disadvantage but to the benefit of the manipulator. I am sick and bloody tired of the endemic rejection and denial which allows this sick filth such rampant freedom. People desperately want freedom of thought and action. But they do not have it. They are constantly manipulated day in day out, by corporations for profit, by individuals for money or self-aggrandisement or sex, by society as a whole for maintenance of this status quo.
Yet the contrast between the desire for mental freedom on the one hand, and the reality of being manipulated and controlled at every human interaction, every twist and turn, on the other, is so vast and stark that people can only react by simply deleting it from their awareness. Manipulation is so overwhelmingly massive a feature of life that it is far easier for people to maintain a blank and complete denial of the situation than it is for them to acknowledge that they are continually subject to it and do something about changing the situation. It's just too hard to accept that their freedom of thought is an illusion - and this shows in the anger and aggression with which they react to the illusion being pointed out.
It is well known that people can be hypnotised as a stage trick, and made to believe something entirely at odds with reality for purposes of comic ridicule - for example, that they have no trousers on. They will then act as if this was really true - they will make determined attempts to shield their supposedly naked lower half, they will ignore all evidence that they are not in fact trouserless, they will concoct elaborate refutations of any argument put to them to show that they really are wearing trousers without any realisation of how unbelievable the refutation sounds to anyone else.
Well this doesn't just happen in the context of stage tricks. It happens all the time, everywhere. People in everyday life are just as convinced as people being tricked on stage that they are not being tricked or controlled - and they are just as wrong. And just as self-contradictory, since they maintain this illusion while acknowledging the existence of entire industries and social structures whose whole purpose is manipulation and control. Advertising, marketing, politics, marriage, television programming, the list goes on and on... the whole bloody lot is all about fucking people's heads up so they deny the existence of something which makes them worse off and deny even overwhelming logic of any arguments which show the fallacy of their illusions, for the benefit of some other selfish fucker. (And the irony is that so endemic is this shite that it's more than likely that said fucker's perception of benefit is itself nothing but an illusion created by the manipulations of some third cunt... and so on and so on, in a vast non-transitive web suffocating the whole human population.)
Apple are doing this on a massive scale - brainwashing tens of millions of people into wasting their money on these fucking useless pieces of shit, and leaving them with a depleted pocket, an easily-damaged awkward-to-use device equipped with ball-and-chain software, and the entirely contradictory conviction that they are somehow better off than they would be had they spent less money on a laptop which can do a lot more things including protecting its own screen against getting smashed. They are being greedy evil cunts to people and getting away with it by manipulating them into thinking black is white, fucking their heads up.
This needs to fucking stop, and it needs to fucking stop fucking now.
