Do Not Change The Packaging

There is, of course, already a page in this section concerning changes in the packaging of tea. However, what that page is about is changing packaging that used to be good into packaging which is shite. This page, by contrast, is about changing packaging into different packaging which is at the same level on the shiteness scale. Maybe the only difference is the printing on it.

Buying food is a pain in the arse for a number of reasons, mostly deriving from the root problem that it is fucking expensive. Just going and grabbing stuff without thoroughly checking it out first is not viable unless you are a rich cunt who doesn't need to worry about wasting money or wasting food. That way you end up spending a shit load of money and run the risk of getting food which turns out to be shite. So I buy food according to a mental list of items which have passed acceptance testing. The list is pretty short, usually with fewer than ten items on it unless the shop is very large; this also avoids another problem, that of getting different items of food and having to choose what to eat when the tastes are all different. It is much easier to get loads of stuff which is all the same and just eat the same thing all the time.

Acceptance testing for food involves several different checks. First there is the bit which can be done in the shop - comparing the weight and calorie content listed on the label with the price to make sure I am getting a decent amount of stuff with a decently large number of calories for the money. This test alone eliminates the vast majority of items, especially given the modern tendency to make food which is highly diluted and has lots of bulk but little nutrition so that fat cunts can carry on eating loads of it without getting too much fatter instead of doing the sensible thing and saving both hassle and money by just eating less.

The rest of the testing has to be done at home because it involves opening it. For instance it is necessary to make sure it is not fucked up in some stupid way, such as including shitty ingredients which shouldn't be there, leaving out ingredients which should be there, or using shit versions of ingredients whose shitness is not apparent until you eat them. Apple pies may turn out to have raisins in them, which is shit because it is a pain in the arse picking the bastard things out. Things like fat or salt may be missing because of modern cunty food-making practices so it has a shit texture and doesn't taste of anything. The processed tomato in things like pizzas may turn out to inexplicably taste like unprocessed tomato, which is fucking vile. (What is it with tomato that unprocessed tomato is so fucking revolting but processed tomato like soup and ketchup tastes as if it is a different substance entirely and is quite pleasant?) Sainsbury's sausage rolls and Lidl ones look identical but the Sainsbury's ones taste good while the Lidl ones taste of old socks (and are also more expensive; this "Lidl/Aldi are so cheap" thing is bullshit). Tesco chocolate sponge and Costcutter chocolate sponge look the same but the Tesco one tastes great while the Costcutter one tastes like a hospital. All this sort of thing.

There is also the matter of how cookable it is. This depends on things like whether the manufacturer has cottoned on to the existence of microwave ovens or not. There are still plenty of thick cunts who have not. There are also plenty of fucking annoying cunts who make some things that go just fine in the microwave and other things which look the same but don't. (And no I'm fucking not going to do them in a conventional oven because it takes twice as long and uses five or ten times as much electricity and in any case I haven't fucking got one because they take twice as long and use five or ten times as much electricity, so fuck that.) Again this is the sort of thing that has to be determined by experiment because a lot of the time the label is wrong. For instance those Fray Bentos tinned steak and kidney pies can perfectly well be done in the microwave even though they say they can't. But there are some kinds of pizza which can be done in the microwave and others from the same manufacturer which for all you can tell in the shop are just larger versions of the same thing yet they can't be microwaved because they don't have a susceptor and you can't use the susceptors off the smaller versions because they don't fit and if you try it without one it just doesn't fucking work at all. It is confusing and shit and doing all the experiments is a pain in the arse.

Once the experiments have been done, though, it all gets very simple because the items which have passed acceptance can be speedily identified by their packaging and all I have to do is walk up to the shelf and grab them. And this is why changing the fucking packaging is the act of a cunt. First of all I can't recognise the stuff any more so instead of just grabbing and going I am stood there like a lemon thinking "where the fuck are the sausage rolls?" and am quite likely to just walk off swearing because I think they've run out. I may well not even see these different packets which are there, let alone realise that they have sausage rolls inside, because once I am through with the experimental phase I only see the things I want to buy. Stuff I didn't go there with the intention of buying is of no interest and I do not see it. The shelves could have turds on them and I wouldn't notice because I didn't go there intending to buy turds so I won't see them whether they're there or not. It's like Virgil Samms and the Rigellian with advertising only it extends to the actual products and not just the adverts. If the stuff suddenly doesn't look the same as it did the last time there's a very good chance I'll think it isn't there at all.

Even if I do manage to notice it I will still be pissed off because it returns me to the experimental phase. The label checks may be passed but how do I know it's still the same stuff inside? If it's got different packaging that indicates to me that it's different stuff - otherwise, why is it different? The first explanation that occurs to me is that they're getting it from a different manufacturer who uses different packaging and has put different stuff inside it. If instead the explanation is that some mindless fuck of a marketing parasite has changed it because the stupid bastard thinks (without any reason) that more people will buy it, I am much less likely to identify it without experimental evidence because it is a moronically fucking stupid explanation and the one shred of optimism that I don't seem to be able to get rid of is the hope that people will avoid doing things which are moronically fucking stupid. Fuck knows why but there it is.

So, first I am pissed off because I can't fucking find the shit in the first place, and then I am more pissed off because I can't be sure it's still the same fucking shit and not a waste of money until I have tested it. Once I've found out that it is still the same then I will simply carry on as I did before. All they have achieved by changing the fucking packaging is to piss me off and make me think they are bigger cunts than I did already. So STOP FUCKING DOING IT YOU MORONIC FUCKS.

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