Hard Vegetables

A shit thing that happens far too much these days is people deliberately not cooking vegetables properly so they come out all hard, and then claiming that this is somehow "better" when it plainly is not.

Vegetables are quite shit to begin with in any case because none of them actually taste nice. They are somewhere on a scale ranging from more or less acceptable at one end to tasting like complete arse at the other. There is no such thing as a vegetable that is actually pleasant and worth eating for its own sake. The purpose of vegetables is to bulk out a meal to compensate for meat being expensive and generally impracticable to make the entire meal out of, and the meat and gravy and salt and pepper are necessary to mix with the vegetables and thereby render them reasonably edible.

For this to work, however, requires that the vegetables should be properly cooked, ie. have the living fuck boiled out of them so that they don't require much chewing and have lost most of their taste. This has been recognised for centuries, which is why boiling the living fuck out of them is the established traditional method.

Unfortunately, in recent years there has been a massive and inexplicable influx of fuckwittery in cooking vegetables. There is now a ridiculous and shitey trend of declaring them fully cooked when they have only been in the water barely long enough to get hot, which means they are still all hard and crunchy and still have the taste in them. Under such conditions, all vegetables taste like total arse, and the meat and gravy and salt and pepper do not suffice to mask it. Your plate is full of these fucking hard lumps which take forever to fucking chew to a swallowable state and taste like shit while you're doing it. Such a state of affairs is, of course, thoroughly crap.

They attempt to justify this by saying that hard vegetables contain more vitamins than properly cooked ones. This is shit. Properly cooked vegetables may contain less, but that lesser amount is still plenty. Did you get loads of people suffering from vitamin deficiencies when everyone cooked vegetables properly as a result of the reduced content? Did you bollocks, so fuck off with this shite. And even if there was a genuine problem, that's what vitamin pills are for.

They encourage people to cook vegetables in a fucked up manner in pursuit of the aim of getting people to eat more of them. Even leaving aside the matter of what the pissing fuck is the point of such a stupid bloody aim in the first place, this is a blatantly fucking stupid idea. How the fuck does it make people want to eat more vegetables if you're deliberately undercooking them so they taste like shite? If they want people to eat more vegetables then the best thing they can do is to fuck off and let people carry on cooking them in the manner which long tradition has established as that which is best for making them not taste like shite.

And they make the outrageously nonsensical claim that vegetables which taste like shite are actually better tasting than properly cooked ones. I can only assume that they never actually eat properly cooked vegetables at all but instead eat their own turds under the illusion that they are vegetables, because otherwise it is not possible to make any sense out of this.

Look, for as long as people have been cooking vegetables at all, they have had the very simple choice between leaving them in for a short time or leaving them in for a long time. And throughout all those centuries they have been choosing to leave them in for a long time, because they taste better like that. They perfectly well could have taken them out while they are still hard, but they didn't, because it makes them taste of shit.

It is a distressingly powerful indictment of the idiocy endemic in modern society that large numbers of people can be induced to abandon a practice established as optimal through centuries' worth of it being bleeding obvious, simply by an alternative and blatantly shite practice being fucking "trendy" or whatever fucking stupid shit it is, and allow such a completely fucking stupid reason to overwhelm evidence of the utter shiteness of the practice which is so strong that one would have thought it inescapable.

We now have the thoroughly fucked up situation where eating any meal that someone else has cooked carries a high risk of discovering that they have deliberately made it shit and brainwashed themselves into not noticing, and all for no fucking discernible reason whatsoever. Which is a giant load of fucking arse, and it's high time it stopped.

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