LordoftheRingdex

In a hole in a wall there lived some pigeons. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with pigeon shit and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, dusty hole with bits of rebar sticking out; this was a hole in the containment of an abandoned nuclear power plant, and that means...

>JARRING CHORD<

Well hello there! Allow us to introduce ourselves. We are the Sweary Nuclear Pigeons. We live in this old power station, eating uranium and shitting fission products. (Being fast neutron birds, we can of course eat pretty well any actinide, but uranium is the most plentiful and usually the tastiest.) We are, of course, highly technologically advanced, and can do all sorts of weird-ass sci-fi stuff; this is one reason why the humans have not thrown us out like the selfish wankers usually do. We tend to act like cunts a lot of the time, for a laugh. Also, we say "fuck" a lot.

Verily, Gentle Internet User, thou art in a universe in which there exist sweary nuclear pigeons.

Here follows a list of documents which we have written, retrieved, translated, agreed to publish, or whatever, relating to the world described by JRR Tolkien in The Lord of the Rings, The Silmarillion and related works.

LordoftheRingdex

Lord of the Rings: Scenes from the Movies after the set was invaded by modern day action heroes.

The Tale of Vearanniel - a legendary LotR shitefic. We found this while fucking about on the internet and figured that it would be a good candidate for reworking in our own individual style in order to disconnect it and reassure those who fear it fucking up the reality of Middle-earth. In the process it acquired a good deal of additional information as to who we are and why we are here, mainly because one of us had a long chat with Aragorn half way through to let him know why shit was so fucked up. Well, more or less; to be fully explicit on the matter to a native of Arda is for Galadriel herself to do, and her description of some aspects of it in her own words which she gave to two who are not of Arda, as set down here, is considerably more accurate.

Llyfr Galadriel

Y Llyfr Galadriel is a collection - as yet incomplete - of documents concerning the Lady Galadriel, greatest of all dwellers in Arda. She devoted her life to the defence of her world, maintaining its delicate stability and sheltering it from strange evils that threatened. Yet for the very reason of her greatness the world to which she gave so much could never know her. Of these tales, some have been told only in part and some have never been told at all. Through our friendship with the Lady Galadriel we set them down here, that our own world may appreciate a little better one who deserves it so much.

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Pressure Points: Orb Possibly one of the earliest tales of Galadriel ever to be told.

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Pressure Points: Taube The love of Galadriel is a bridge across the void between worlds.

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Stationary Travelogue: Fit the First - Alpha Even as a small child the Lady Galadriel had power and presence beyond the dreams of those around her.

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Stationary Travelogue: Fit the Second - Transmission of IP Datagrams by Avian Carriers Those who do not learn first must learn later...

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Stationary Travelogue: Fit the Third - Prompt Critical They say "third time pays for all"...

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Harbour of Tears: Locomotive Breath The Lady Galadriel wishes it to be made clear that she did not take sword at Alqualondë.

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Harbour of Tears: After Words Guilt by association is a concept valid only where the association is of such a nature as to make it so, as the Lady said.

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Rain Dances: V-Twin The Terracotta Army Harvest Festival (with a theme of motorcycling Elves) makes its appearance...

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Rain Dances: Chains A chance meeting saves Galadriel and Nerdanel much time and trouble.

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Rain Dances: Urchin Galadriel, with Nerdanel's mathematical assistance, begins to right some wrongs. The wrongdoer is not pleased...

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Rain Dances: MIRV Here lie the towers so tall. Strange, they crumble and fall...

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Mirage: To France A return... and a departure

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Mirage: Tricks of the Light From a conflagration to a new voyage

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Long Goodbyes: Refugee I know it's for the better...

Llyfr Galadriel -:-:- Highways of the Sun A girl needs to let her hair down sometimes...

Note on naming conventions: It is considered more sympathetic to the casual reader to consistently use the names which are most familiar, regardless of considerations of anachronism. That way the knowledge of who the name refers to arrives in the reader's consciousness naturally, and so is more meaningful than if it requires an effort of thought. It is also, in any case, pretty much the way the Silmarillion itself does it.