No one would have believed, in the last minutes of the summer vacation, that the mating habits of the Guatemalan rock squirrel were being watched from a Portakabin near Charnock Richard services.

No one could have dreamed that Joanne Whalley-Kilmer would be elected President of America.

Few astrologers even considered the risk of The Bishop of Bath and Wells undergoing liposuction.

And yet, across the Baltic, minds immeasurably more hip and trendy than ours, regarded The Bishop of Bath and Wells's cheeks with several video cameras.

And slowly and surely, they took a deep, amorous sniff of Tony Blair's armpit.

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