Rob Lockhart is a twat

Who is Rob Lockhart? Answer: a twat. Longer answer: a twat who rode his bicycle into the back of someone's car and then whined on twitter about the car driver knocking him off when by his own admission it was him who hit the fucking car, not the other way round.

It's just yet another stupid bastard on a bicycle who thinks that everything is someone else's fault, of course, but this particular instance got blown out of all proportion thanks to "celebrity" involvement. Apparently the car driver was Steven Nzonzi, who is a footballer for Stoke City, wow, big shit, while the whining on twitter was given a big publicity boost by Sir Chris Hoy, who is a sporting cyclist and apparently won a gold medal in the fucking Olympics, whoop de bloody do. Me, I'd never heard of either of them until I came across this story, and as far as I'm concerned they're both just as much nobodies as Rob Lockhart himself; one of them kicks a ball around a field, the other one rides a bicycle round in circles, so fucking what.

What fucks me off is the outrageous bias displayed in the web coverage of the incident. Googling for it shows that it is almost universally reported as "Nzonzi knocked Lockhart off his bike" when it is the other way round. What actually happened is that Lockhart rode into Nzonzi's car. From behind. In Lockhart's own words, "I hit the back window with my head, helmet and face". So why the FUCK are NONE of the reports titled "Cyclist crashes into car" or similar, when that is what actually happened? Fucksake.

Note also that the police didn't even charge Nzonzi with dangerous driving or any other offence related to his conduct at the wheel. They charged him with failing to stop, which isn't actually true, but apparently it still counts because he didn't hand over his insurance details.

Well as far as I'm concerned he was perfectly justified in not handing over his insurance details. Some stupid cunt rides into the back of him and then has the fucking cheek to try and claim off his insurance? Fuck off. I'd have reacted the same way. Indeed, I have reacted the same way. Some stupid cunt pulled out of a side road in front of me when I was only a couple of yards away, with the result that I slammed into his driver's door and flew over the top of the car. The fucking shithead then had the temerity to try and get my name and address to pay for the damage to his car. Cheeky fucking bastard. So I jumped back on my bicycle and fucked off. I can well imagine Nzonzi having exactly the same reaction and quite right too.

We also have this stupid bastard in the Independent trying to make out that the reaction to the incident is another example of the "footballers can do no wrong" attitude. Which is fucking bollocks. He obviously hasn't bothered to do a simple google search before writing his article or he'd have seen that nearly all the mentions of the incident on the web are repeating the "cyclist knocked off" bullshit. And in any case, what fucking "footballers can do no wrong" attitude? Seems to me that they do wrong all the fucking time. I come across loads of shit about "footballer did a rape" or "footballer is a racist" or "footballer beat someone up" or "footballer got drunk and made an arse of himself in a bar" and I'm not even interested in bloody football, that's just the stuff that filters through.

The Independent twat also spews a load of bollocks about Lockhart not wanting to make it into a motorist-vs.-cyclist thing. Which is another load of shit. If it was actually true he would have shut the fuck up about it instead of bitching about being knocked off when it was actually him who rode into the stationary car.

What it actually is an example of is the fucking "cyclists can do no wrong" attitude, which is all-pervasive these days and really fucking gets on my tits. It is particularly pervasive among the kind of cyclists who spend more money on a bicycle than a normal person would spend on a car and then dress up like gimps and charge around city centres - and, oh what a surprise, this is exactly what Lockhart is. He moans about having suffered "concussion" - fuck off you bullshitting cunt, you didn't even see a doctor, let alone go to hospital - despite wearing a helmet (a sure indication of a bicycletwat) and also about having fucked his bike up by riding it into the car, which only happens to flimsy-ass expensive bikes such as are bought by people with more money than sense. (Case in point: when the car pulled out in front of me my bicycle put a fuck-off big dent in the driver's door, but suffered no damage itself apart from the basket being bent a bit.)

I'm sick and fucking tired of this fucking "cycling mafia" constantly bitching and whining on about how everything is someone else's fault. We've even had proposals to change the law to make it automatically the car driver's fault in any collision with a bicycle, which thank fuck didn't get anywhere, but the fact that such a stupid shitty idea could even get consideration is symptomatic. The stupid twats fill themselves full of self-righteousness over the fact that they don't have engines and think that is a reason why everyone should defer to them as they piss around in rush-hour traffic wearing gimp suits and fluorescent jackets. They go on and on about "sharing the road" when what they actually mean is they want the road to themselves; they have no conception of what an obstructive pain in the arse they are to car drivers and don't care anyway, because cars have engines and therefore anyone who drives one is evil. They deliberately put themselves in a dangerous situation and then rather than acting to minimise the danger, just carry on as if nothing else was happening and expect everyone else to keep out of their way (the fluorescent jackets and belts being a symptom of this - making themselves conspicuous to try and make other people keep out of their way so they don't have to make any effort to avoid collisions themselves). The worst offenders even go to the length of wearing a video camera and then daring cars to knock them off so they can post the results on the internet along with yet more bloody self-righteous whining and trying to make out nothing was their fault - as in this video by Jeremy Vine where he deliberately refuses to take any evasive action and instead stays in the same place just hoping the car will knock him off so he'll have something bigger to moan about.

Look, I have a fucking bicycle. I ride it because it is less effort than walking and cheaper than driving. Not because of any stupid bollocks about "saving the planet" because it doesn't have an engine - all this crap about CO2 emissions from human activities causing climate change is a load of fucking arse; human activities account for a quarter of a percent of the greenhouse effect, ie. fuck bloody all; climate change is a natural phenomenon and human activities have sod all to do with it. I don't care how many politically-funded "scientists" disagree - especially not after the leaks of the IPCC's internal emails telling each other how to fudge the results so they support the politically-desirable conclusion. Science plus politics equals bullshit - just look at Lysenkoism, and note that you don't need a dictator pulling the strings to achieve such a result; Western-style governments can be just as effective at it, they're just a bit more subtle. This idea that cyclists are some kind of superior being and car drivers are to be looked down on because of engines is a load of fucking bullshit and the sooner they get it out of their thick-skulled polystyrene-padded heads the better.

When I am on my bicycle I am fully aware that my lack of an engine makes me a pain in the arse because it limits my speed to 10mph or so and means I am in the way and car drivers are pissed off by it. I am also aware that I am highly vulnerable because I don't have a steel cage around me and I can't get out of the way of things quickly. So I ride according to these circumstances. I try not to be in the way in the first place. I make manoeuvres that may conflict with the traffic in such a way that the potential conflict doesn't arise. I am aware that my presence pisses car drivers off and so I try not to piss them off any more than I can help. I am aware that there are large blind spots in a car driver's vision and that these have particular significance for closer objects. I defer to cars for reasons of collision avoidance regardless of whether some book of words says I am legally obliged to or not. I realise that my choice of vehicle makes me a second-class road user and I conduct it accordingly. Because this is the fucking sensible way to do it.

I don't give a steaming fuck about all this "rights of road users" bollocks beyond it allowing me to ride on the road in the first place. I don't give a liquid shit about some stupid idea that all road users are equal when the reality is that they fucking well aren't. A car and a bicycle are two very different things and no amount of fucking words is going to change that. It's no fucking use at all being "right" in terms of some fucking words when you're not "right" in the sense of being in accordance with reality and end up getting splatted as a result. And in any case some clueless cunt who rides into the back of a stationary vehicle isn't "right" in either sense.

"Right" and "ought" and "should" are a load of fucking arse when the reality is big fast heavy lumps of metal and little squishy things. Cyclists need to get the fuck down off their fucking high horse (for which they have no basis in any case) and fucking realise that they are second-class road users in any meaningful assessment, regardless of what any fucking book of words says about it. And even more do they need to get rid of the "attitude creep" which leads them to think that they are always right even when they do really fucking stupid things like riding into the back of a stationary vehicle because they don't think it should have been there.

Oh, and they also need to stop wearing those stupid fucking helmets (which don't do anything anyway) and fluorescent belts and fucking Tour de fucking France outfits, because those things mark them out as being the kind of stroppy cunt who thinks they're better than everyone else because they're on a bicycle. Car drivers seeing that crap know that the wearer is likely to make a deliberate pain in the arse of themselves to make some kind of stupid "point"; the cyclist, by advertising that they are a cunt, has put themselves at a disadvantage at the start. They'd be a lot better off if other people didn't find out they were a cunt until they actually did something cuntish - only of course that would reduce their opportunities to do cuntish things in the first place, so they carry on with the hey-look-at-me twat suits, while ordinary people who aren't up their own arses ride their bicycles in a pragmatic and unostentatious manner wearing their everyday clothing and without all this fucking self-righteous attitude shit, and have a much easier time of it as a result.

As a final point, let me return to the Independent twat, who displays a staggering degree of irrationality with his comments about being "partisan" about cyclists' "equal right to the road" because a car lost control on black ice and killed a bunch of cyclists. For fuck's sake. This fucking moron is so totally devoid of any ability to actually use that pint of mush inside his skull that he thinks fucking "rights" ought to affect the weather. The whole point about black ice is you can't fucking tell it's there. I went into a ditch once at 40mph on a dead straight road because of black ice. The car just started moving sideways and nothing would stop it. I couldn't even see the ice when I got out of the car afterwards and looked at the road at close quarters; I didn't even realise I couldn't stand up on it until I tried. That's what black ice is like. You've no idea it's even there until you hit it and then you're fucked. No amount of blethering about equal fucking rights is going to change that. Weather, physics and chance don't give a steaming fuck about what stupid humans write in their silly little books. This cunt seems to think a law is like a fucking magic spell or something and if you say "equal rights" often enough it'll stop things happening which are just pure fucking bad luck. And he seems to think that it was the car driver's fault just because he was in a car, that he hit the black ice on purpose and killed the cyclists deliberately because he didn't think they had a right to the road. Yes, he does think that, because otherwise there is no reason for him to think that this incident is cause for being "partisan" about "equal rights to the road". Fucksake you stupid bastard, it wasn't anyone's fault, it was just bad luck. However fucking tragic it was, I don't fucking care, just because it was tragic doesn't mean it has to be possible to blame a person for it. No, not even if that means you can sue someone for it, as if you can bring dead people back to life with money. Chicken's tits.

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